A Little Understanding
by nishikaze
Summary: Allura has been under the assumption that Keith doesn't like her but a little talk with Shiro gives her a little understanding. Season 7 Episode 1 mild spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

Allura watched Keith from across the camp, trying to be discrete and succeeding, for the most part. Had the other Paladins not been so busy trying to recharge the lions she probably wouldn't have succeeded. Keith was helping Shiro walk, trying to strengthen his connection to his new body. Keith's eyes showed concern but at the same time, happier than she'd ever seen him. She didn't have the chance to really notice the changes in the red paladin on his return, things had been so chaotic, but she studied him now.

He was taller now, broader. Still shorter than Shiro and not as muscular, but it was obvious his body had matured. His hair was longer and the scar on his cheek marked him in a way that resembled the Galra markings of his mother's race. The scar didn't take away from his beauty however, and he had gotten more beautiful.

I wasn't his the changes in his body that caught her attention, however. Sure he was pleasing to look at, but he stood a little straighter now. Seemed easier to laugh and smile. He was more confident and open. It was like someone had drained the anger from him and replaced it with something else. It was shocking and it looked good on him.

Keith and Shiro paused to laugh at the Wolf's excited antics. The Wolf seemed to sense his master's joy and was enthusiastically echoing it, circling the two friends with excited barks. As she watched the Wolf teleported from one side of Keith to the other and her eyes widened. What kind of amazing beast was this?

She caught herself staring when Keith turned back toward her and caught her gaze. She quickly turned away a flush coloring her cheeks. She turned back up when Keith sat Shiro down next to her. "Relax for awhile. I need to take take this crazy mutt for a walk before he gets under foot." He gave Shiro a half smirk and Shiro grinned back.

"He is a little rambunctious right now." He laughed.

Keith straighten once he got Shiro settled and caught Allura's gaze. His smile fell away as his eyes met hers.

Uncomfortable, Allura turned her eyes to Shiro. "Don't worry." She spoke, "I'll keep an eye on him."

"Thanks," Was all Keith said as he turned and called to the Wolf. Her eyes followed him as he left the camp.

Shiro cleared his throat. "Princess?" Allura turned to Shiro with a start.

"Did you need something Shiro?"

"Not right now thanks, but I think you need something." Shiro's wise eyes met hers.

Allura colored again and she sat up straight. "I don't know what you mean."

"Really? Because you've been watching Keith all afternoon like you had something to say."

Allura sighed and slumped, "Not something to say so much as trying to figure something out." She met Shiro's eyes again. "He's changed. I'm just trying to get my bearings around him. When he left for the Blades we weren't on the best of terms." She paused. "I don't think he likes me and I don't know how to address it."

Shiro's eyes widened. "Why would you think that?"

"I'm sorry. It's just that…" She sighed and shrugged helplessly. "I haven't always treated him well. When I learned he was half-Galra, it felt like a betrayal. We were friends, I think, before then but after…" She looked down, "I don't like the way this feels. I apologized but I don't think he ever opened up again."

Shiro put a hand on Allura's shoulder prompting her to look back up, "That's not true at all Allura. Keith does like you. I know that."

"How do you know? Did he say as much?"

Shiro chuckled, "No… No. He would never talk about it but I know him."

He stared off into the distance. "Yes, you hurt Keith, but it was because you got in. Through his walls. It took A LOT for me to get through to him back when I was recruiting him to the Garrison. In comparison, you slipped right in."

He turned back to her and smiled kindly. "Keith hadn't had the best life before the Garrison, and he developed defence mechanisms to protect himself from the hurt; he let his anger protect himself from his loneliness. Someone would hurt him, and he'd lash out." He took a long pause and Allura thought he wasn't going to say anything more before he spoke again. "Keith used to fight people who questioned his parentage, long before he knew that he was half-alien. If Keith didn't like you, or if you hadn't gotten through his barriers he would have lashed out in a similar way, or just cut you out. He's never done that. Not to you, not really. The Keith I knew back then wouldn't have let you hurt him again. Besides, I think it was a shock to him too."

Allura turned away as her eyes became thoughtful. Shiro continued, "Keith has always treated you differently but it isn't because he doesn't like you. When you apologized he really forgave you. He doesn't hold grudges. But your right about one thing. He has been more cautious around you. I think he's just trying to figure out where you fit."

"I don't understand."

Shiro smiled kindly. "I think you do." He paused as Keith came back into view of the camp and they both watched him talk with his mother. "I know one thing though, the woman who finally gets him to open up his heart will be a lucky one. He fights hard for what he loves."

Allura blushed and stood, turning away. "I don't know what you are talking about." She started to walk away when Shiro caught her attention again. "Allura? Just talk to him. Ask him about his time with the Blades, what he saw in the Abyss, about the Alteans, anything. Just talk to him and everything else will come. Don't lecture, don't command, just talk. Give him a chance to open up again."

Allura studied him for a moment and nodded. She turned and left to her Lion, needing a moment alone to think.

Shiro smiled and shook his head. "What's so amusing?" Keith questioned as he made his way back to him.

Shiro looked up, and gave a short laugh as he noticed Keith's eyes were watching Allura retreating back. "Just offering Allura some advice."

Keith looked down at him. "About what?"

Shiro cocked and eyebrow and said nothing as Keith turning back to Allura. He watched as Allura entered the Blue Lion. "She hates me you know." He sighed. "I can't figure out why. I know it isn't my Galra side anymore but she's avoiding me." He scowled. "I don't understand her."

Shiro laughed and Keith glared at him. "Did you just try talking to her?" He met Keith's gaze. "Just talk to her. Don't get defensive, just talk."

"She'll just give me another lecture."

Shiro snorted. "You just may be surprised." He smiled, "I think all you need is a little understanding."

When I had this thought, it was conceived as a one-shot. As I reread it, it seemed to call for more. There may be another chapter or so in the future, but for now, enjoy.

And I'm moving on to another story... for now.

Like it, hate it? Please review it!


	2. Chapter 2

It was late evening and the Garrison was quiet. Keith had found a lonely spot on a tower in which to get some privacy, a moment of peace after recovering from the harsh battle for Earth. He was still a little sore, but not being able to tolerate the inactivity of the medical ward any further, he convinced the staff to release him. His duties completed for the day he sat on the solitary rooftop with Kosmo curled up at his back. He mulled over everything that had happened over the last couple of days and thought hard about the near future.

Pidge , Hunk and Lance were on leave with their families. The three had gone home. He and Allura had made themselves useful around the Garrison, he with salvage operations and she with creating wormholes for coalition ships bearing trade supplies for Earth's rebuilding. They barely saw each other and Keith was conflicted.

That fight in the void kept him up at night, their harsh words to another was like a chasm between them. Old Keith would have let it go, better she avoid him and left him alone than hurt him again, but he couldn't this time. They couldn't have any conflict in the team, they had to have that emotional connection to each other and to the Lions to function as Paladins. He fully knew, the fight wasn't over yet. Haggar was still out there and the remaining Galra forces.

Being the Black Paladin meant it was his job to think about this right? The others would help, sure, but he was the leader. For good now it seemed. All this ultimately fell on his shoulders.

He couldn't screw it up again. He had to talk to Allura, he just didn't know where to start.

He sighed and collapsed against the wolf. He looked up at the sky with his head propped up against Kosmo's side. He knew one thing for certain, he wasn't going back to the Blades, not in any official capacity anyway. He did a lot of good, and learned a lot, but the things he did and the dangers he faced constantly made him question his character and fortitude. He was never able to completely divest himself from his emotions and his good conscious. Funny thing was, despite their occasionally conflicting ethics, Kolivan had been one of the best and most patient teachers he'd ever had. He knew Kolivan would understand his decision to walk away. After all, he'd accomplished his goals, one official and one hopeful; he found the source of the Quintessence and his mother.

He frowned at the sky. He'd been right all along; it had led back to Lotor. After the events of Naxzela he had begun to doubt Lotor's connection but the drive to track it down had still been there. How had he known? He still couldn't quite figure it out.

Kosmo stirred and Keith sat up. Disappearing for a moment, the wolf reappeared and lay back down and his back. "Keith?" A soft voice interrupted his thoughts and gained his attention. He sat up straighter and turned toward the voice.

His eyes widened and refocused in the dark, "Allura? Shouldn't you be asleep?" It was like his thoughts of her had conjured her.

"I could ask the same of you." She shifted and looked away, wringing her hands just a moment before asking, "May I join you?"

Keith blinked and said nothing for several heartbeats as Allura became visibly uncomfortable. "If… If you'd rather be alone I can…"

"No!" Keith blurted out. He took a breath and repeated a more controlled, "No, it's… Please join me."

Allura sat primly on the ground a few feet from Keith. She sighed. Looking at Keith she took a deep breath, "What…" She paused. "Why are you still awake? I would think you'd be exhausted after all the salvage you've done." Being the only Galra on Earth meant Keith was the only person able to pilot the derelict but still functional Galra fighters left from the war. He'd spent a week of 18 - 20 hour days helping the Garrison transport the ships to centralized locations for disassembly.

Keith opened his mouth ready to turn the same question back to her, after all she had been non-stop as well, but paused. Remembering what Shiro said a year ago on that plantoid before their journey to Earth began, he made the decision to answer her. He'd get to the real reason but for the moment he would start with safer waters. "I was thinking about the Quintessence. I was thinking about why it was so important to me to find it's source." He paused for a moment and she wasn't sure he was going to speak again until, "Allura, I had a feeling, and it was so strong, that the Quintessence would lead to Lotor. I… I don't know why I had that drive. Even after Lotor saved my life at Naxzela…"

"Wait," Allura interrupted, "Lotor saved your life?"

Keith blinked and blushed under her probing gaze, "Our lives. He saved all our lives."

Allura's eyes narrowed, "You said 'my life' Keith. What are you not telling us?"

Keith sighed. This was something he **never** wanted to talk about. He never wanted them to know. To the point he's made Matt swear to tell the Paladins nothing and avoided them until the events at the Krul Zera. He should have known it wasn't going to last. How much would he tell…

"Keith." Allura's voice demanded an answer.

He sighed again, "Our weapons weren't getting through the barrier and we had seconds before it all blew to hell. I would have died anyway if that happened so I was going to ram the shield with my ship. I was hoping it would bring it down so the rest of the resistance fighters could take it out. Lotor's ship brought down the barrier and the weapon at the last second." He blurted it all out staring at the ground.

Allura said nothing for the longest moment before she spoke again. "You were willing to die to save us." Her voice was low, almost a whisper and her voice caught on the last syllable.

"Yes." He looked straight at her, "Tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing. _Didn't_ do the same thing. You were willing to sacrifice yourself for Shiro."

"Keith I didn't try to _kill myself_!" Her voice was becoming loud as she came up on her knees in front of him.

"Did you really think Zarcon was going to let you live Allura?" He looked straight into her eyes. "You knew Voltron was too important. I did too. That's all it was."

Keith's slumped for a moment before stiffening his spine and looking her straight in the eyes, violet to Blue. "You were too important to me. Please Allura, let's drop this. I don't want to fight with you but there's so much more we need to resolve."

She stared at him for the longest time before taking a deep breathe, remembering Shiro's words. "I'm not letting this go forever, but I don't want to fight with you right now." She paused, "So tell me about the Quintessence. I've heard it before but please tell me again. I want to understand." She was trying. This was the most they'd talked since his return and she wanted to continue, found she wanted to draw out their time together.

Keith calmed himself before he started speaking again. "Kolivan sent me on a mission to retrieve an operative from one of Ranveg's bases under siege from two other General. There was a super-weapon they both wanted. I was to destroy it and get her out. It turned out to be Krolia."

Allura's eyes widened, "Did he know?"

Keith paused and thought for a moment, "Yes I think he did. I don't think he knew at first but I think he figured it out."

"Why didn't he say anything?"

"I don't know, that's one of the things I'm going to have to ask him." Keith looked into the fire, "We tried to destroy the weapon but Trug got the upper hand. We were captured but Krolia made a bargain. She told them she'd give them the weapon if she let us go free. At first I was pissed but the weapon it turned out was a creature that would destroy the base. So releasing it would have killed everyone on the base, it, or both.

"We escaped and she told me about the potent Quintessence we'd been tracking. It seems Ranveg found some and experimented with it creating that weapon. Mom told me they had tracked it from the Quantum Abyss. We found a way through it but it wasn't easy. We lost our ship early on. We found a giant creature that was it's own traveling habitat and rode on it's back for two years. It's where we found him." He indicated the sleeping wolf.

"We found the hidden base where a massive habitat was created to house the Alteans. You've heard Romelle's story about how they got there and her brother's death."

Allura turned away tears welling up in her eyes, "I can't believe my people were alive and were being… Were used for…" Her hands became to shake with pent up rage.

Keith reached out and covered her clenched hands with his own. "That kind of thinking won't help you now. When the time came you stood up for your people and did the right thing. That's what's important. When the time comes we'll find them again. I promise." Kolivan had told them the Alteans were no longer in the Abyss. That had burned him. He's spent a good amount of time at night wondering about the consequences of revealing their location to Haggar's clone puppet.

Allura took a few breathes willing her tears away. They stayed that way for several minutes before Allura finally got up the courage to ask the question she'd been waiting to ask all along, "Why did you leave?"

Keith jerked his hand away and Kosmo raised his head. Keith stoked him behind his ears to calm him and the wolf settled back down. "You know why. I already explained this."

"But there's more to it, more that you're not telling me."

Keith sighed and leaned back down against Kosmo looking up at the sky. "I'm not good with people. I wasn't a good leader and I made a few mistakes."

"At first, yes but…"

"I'm not done." The look he gave wasn't unkind, just expectant and her mouth snapped shut, "I know I was getting better, but I had no confidence in myself and the rest of the team had no confidence in me because of it. Shiro's return made that obvious. Then I had a conversation with Lance that solidified what I needed to do. I won't get into it, because that wouldn't be fair to Lance but he said something that resonated with me."

"Shiro wouldn't try again in Black and I wasn't meant for it. I decided to pull away to force his hand." He took a deep breath wondering how far he was supposed to go. He didn't want to talk about how much he missed them, about how much it hurt to walk away. He sighed and continued. "I was learning a lot from the Blades, about how to fight and how to survive. Something in my gut was telling me following the Quintessence was the right move but Shiro didn't necessary agree."

"You were right." Allura looked at his profile illuminated by the glow of the wolf's fur as he continued to stare at the sky.

"Was I? I left you all in the hands of Haggar's puppet. I put you in danger."

"Keith," Allura reached out and touched his chin turning his face so she could look into his eyes. "You followed your instincts and it led you to my people. Keith…" She paused, pushing back the tears again, "You gave me back my race!" She tried to shake away the tears but they spilled over, "You brought Lotor's true nature to light and saved us from ourselves." Blue met violet as she continued, "You've done something I can never repay you for. I just wish you didn't feel the need to walk away from us to do it."

"I had to feel useful, I know it sounds selfish, but if I couldn't pilot a lion I didn't want to be a the castle. It would have felt like being rejected again and I couldn't do that to myself. I wasn't strong enough." His eyes were pleading.

"Keith," Allura wiped away her tears, "Did you miss us?"

Keith smiled, "Everyday."

Allura smiled and looked away, "I thought you hated us, that I drove you away."

He shook his head, "That wasn't it. Not at all. You all did nothing, I just…" He sighed, "I just had to grow up."

Allura studied the earnest look on his face and nodded. When Keith returned he didn't question himself. He was confident, focused. The wild angry child came back a solid and confident man. But not all of the changes in him were positive. He didn't smile as often for one and he was harder, more strict. Black took him back without question but it took time for the rest of the team to accept him. She especially felt his abandonment. He was always there, whenever they had a mission, she could always see him, feel him in her periphery. He'd been, for the most part, a quiet source of strength. Then he was gone.

When she thought about it was that void that opened her up to Lotor's manipulation? Shiro never stood with her when Lotor separated her from the rest of the team and Lance tried but he was too easy-going and noticeable. Keith went where Keith went and no one could stop him. He would often be like part of the scenery, but she always felt his presence. Would she have felt different for Lotor if not for Keith? The thoughts run round her head until she came to a startling conclusion. The real reason she was so hurt when Keith left.

"Keith," Her voice was soft and unsure as she thought about what to say next. "We said some pretty mean things in the void…"

Keith voice was full of remorse, "I know Allura, I'm so sorry. I meant to hurt you and I did. I know I did. I regret that."

Allura shook her head, "That's not what I meant, I…" She sighed. "You were right about Lotor. I did get too close to him. I guess I blamed you for that. You leaving, I meant."

"I don't understand."

Allura sighed in frustration and paused, collecting her thoughts. "When you were with the team, when you were the leader and even before, you were always there. Even when I hurt you, you didn't leave. You were silent for much of it, but you stood, quite literally, by my side. I didn't realize how much it meant to me until you weren't there anymore."

"Allura I…"

She shook her head, "I'm not done." She took a deep breath and looked Keith in the eyes. "Lotor manipulated it so he was the one not leaving me alone and I let him do it. I filled the void left by one half-Galra ally with another. But you are not the same." She looked away, up at the sky, not really seeing the stars above, "I blame myself for that."

Keith's fists clenched and he felt a surge of anger, not at Allura but at himself, "I was jealous." He blurted out. He reached out and grasped Allura's shoulders and turned her to face him. "Allura, I had no right to say that to you. I did leave and Lotor… He fooled all of us, even me. We all saw what we wanted to see. I had no right to say that because, even if Lotor took my place, I was the one who left that spot open."

Allura eyes stung and she felt her sadness surge as the words burst forth from her. She wasn't able to hold the truth back any more. "I was falling in love with him."

Keith cursed low and pulled her forward against him. Allura stiffened at this unusual act for Keith. He didn't like to be touched and wasn't the type to be physical in his show of emotions so the feeling of his arms stiff around her body made her tense for a moment but she relaxed into his chest and so did he. He awkwardly held her as she finally allowed herself to mourn.

The emotions that had filled her, emotions she'd ignored for too long surged up and she unpacked them one-by-one. Lotor was a dream, the literal handsome prince, giving her what she wanted most in the universe. Peace and understanding. He used her love for her father and her people to manipulate her into his plan. She felt shame for falling for it so easily, for not recognizing his actions for what they were. She looked back now and remembered, his true nature did occasionally show itself, but she's been so blind at the time. She felt used and stupid. She was angry, but mostly at herself, and she'd had to sacrifice the castle because of naivety.

But she believed Lotor because she was a good and trusting person. Even the best people make mistakes. She just had to learn from them and learn to forgive herself. But first she needed to mourn.

They sat there for a long time silent as Allura cried silently. Keith stroked her back gently as he tried to give her comfort. He was solid and he was there and for Allura that was enough.

After what seemed like hours Keith clear his throat and Allura looked up at him, "Allura, there is one more thing we need to talk about. If you want we can talk later though."

Allura pulled out of his embrace and shook her head. "No. We should finish this." She gave him a watery smile, "We might not get a chance like this again."

Keith looked into her eyes and she could see the pain there. "It's about what I said about your father." He sighed. "I… I never told you about my dad did I?"

Allura shook her head. "I gather that he's dead and that he died when you were young but you never said anything about it."

"I was nine when he died," Allura's eyes widened, _so young_! She kept quiet as he continued, "My mom left me when I was a few months old because she knew if no one reported back to the fleet the Galra would keep sending scout teams to Earth. She'd fought off two scout teams but she lost her ship to the first and my dad was shot by the second. As good as she is, she knew she couldn't keep it up. She knew the only way to protect me was to leave. I don't blame her for it now, but growing up, the only thing my pop told me that she was fighting a war far away and that she loved me more than anything. It didn't occur to me until I was older that there weren't any wars on Earth."

He paused before continuing. "My pop was a firefighter. They're the ones you call first in an emergency. He put out fires, helped when there was an accident. He was trained to safely deal with life-threatening situations. He saved lives." He looked into her eyes, "He was a hero. He was _my_ hero."

Allura gave him an encouraging smile as he continued. "He was also all I had in the universe, my only family." He paused and swallowed before he continued, "There was a fire, the building wasn't structurally sound. One of the juniors in his company thought there was another person trapped in the building. He got himself trapped. My father went in after him and pulled him out but my pop… My pop didn't make it out. He knew going into that building was a potential death sentence. He did it anyway."

Allura's tears spilled over again as she listened, not daring to interrupt. "Everyone at the funeral told me my pop was a hero and it was easier to believe that he died for a reason, for a cause. Then they took me away, put me in the system and there was no one there to remind me of why he died anymore. He was just gone and I was with well-intentioned people who just didn't have the time to comfort a sad little boy. I was alone and I started to blame him for my being alone. Than I started to feel guilty for thinking bad about him but at the end of the day, my father valued that man's life more than his own. More than mine."

Allura gasped and tried to say something but Keith kept going, "But that's not true. My pop didn't know he was going to die. I bet he didn't even think about the consequences. He just did what he thought was right in the moment. My pop was a hero, but he wasn't perfect."

Keith looked straight into Allura's eyes as he continued. "My parents did what they believed was right and they made their mistakes. I find myself sometimes making the same mistakes. Allura, when you talk about your father you remind me of a happier time in my life when my pop was a hero that couldn't do any wrong and I'm reminded of my loss of faith in him. From everything that I know of him, Alfor was a hero too. So much more than my father, but he also made his mistakes. It's okay to love him but you need to stop trying to be him and learn to be yourself. Learn from him, but recognize him for who he was."

Allura anger was written on her face, she opened her mouth, ready to defend her father, but Keith's next words deflated her anger, "I'm not saying it to bash him. Anything but." Keith turned away and shook him head, smiling ruefully he continued, "All I'm saying is, when Allura chooses to be Allura she's pretty amazing. But Allura doesn't need to be Alfor."

As Allura listened quietly to Keith's words, she felt sympathy for his story and anger of what he said about her father, but instead of letting making her bitter she listened. Keith's word echoed in her mind and in her heart and she knew they were going to keep her occupied for a long time. Did she have an unrealistic view of her father? Was she wrong in trying to emulate him? It was something to think about, but one thing was certain. Keith wasn't saying what she wanted to hear, but what what he felt she needed to hear. Did she respect him enough to take his words to heart?

She looked at Keith again and let the anger go completely. No one quite understood her the way that Keith did because no one could. He knew the pain of her loss because he felt it too. She took a breath and made a choice. The atmosphere was heavy between them so Allura decided she could think about it later. She decided to lighten the mood. "I don't think I've even heard you talk so much in all the time I've known you. Did that hurt?" She smiled at him mischievously.

Keith's mouth twitched as he caught on, "A little. You can consider it payback for all the lectures you've given me."

Allura's jaw dropped incredulously, "I do not lecture!"

"Of course Princess." Keith leveled her an even look.

"Well then," She stood, dusting off her backside as regally as possible, "I shall take myself and my lectures, elsewhere." She looked at Kosmo expecting him to help her down off their private perch.

Keith stood and smiled. "Goodnight Princess."

Allura smiled back shyly. "Thank you for helping me understand Keith," She put a hand on Kosmo, "Goodnight." and she was gone.

Keith stared up at the sky for a brief moment before Kosmo could teleport him down as well. She'd given him a lot to think about. He honestly didn't think they'd miss him that much, that by leaving he'd hurt them, hurt her. He'd just assumed they'd go on just fine without him. He'd been wrong. He pondered the thought as he ruefully made his way back to the barracks for the night. It seemed they both came away with a little understanding.

Notes: So Keith's story line has been about growing up and realizing his place in the Universe. Finding his mother, learning to love himself, becoming the leader her was meant to be. He grew up in the Abyss, not just physically but also emotionally. He's still Keith and still needs to grow, but he's come a long way. Remember, everyone in Keith's life that he loved left, so in Keith's mind, that's what you do when you love someone. Allura's story has also been about growing up. She's been trying to live up to her father's legacy but as even her father's image told her, she needs to trust herself. She's been backsliding in this capacity even to the point of seeing her father in Lance (hence the attraction). Allura loving her father is fine, but part of why Allura's attraction to Lotor (and to Lance) is the carrot of her father's legacy. Allura needs to learn to be Allura again and learn to be a leader in her own right. She can't focus on the future if she's caught up in the past. Hopefully they will tackle this in season 8.


End file.
